[WXBH-Discuss] not necessarily worth everyones reading time... kristin isnt nuts

[radical eclectic]

first off i see nothing wrong with what loyd said... more to the point:
   
  aron... scrap the public attitude and realize that you do take things wrong from time to time just like i do... seriously i dont have the luxury of throwing in any towels or curbing my network scheduling of collective reconnections in this community simply because i answer to these people out of lasting commitment to change in all our lives as i have been for 20+ years... you as an activist know that my life is in it and that my learning to become better as a person is to make some mistakes and learn to forgive others as they make theirs... yes its hard when the same shit comes up again and again but we all have to see how we play back into it even by well meaning effort
   
  road to helll paved with good intentions etc. .... normally i would stop here with the public address and send a separate email to just you and continue the revisions of your notes as dialogue but i dont trust that you will see the value in reasoning so i will allow others to be a judge for themselves and do my best to leave out names and dirty laundry such has not been the case in the past on anyones part from time to time 
   
  foremost in the LAVA... i will tell you that the shit i painted on Glenns building as many have done without permission  and the eyeball specifically was not considered yours or directed at you if you must know because i got my own wood to help you stabilze that ladder at your request collaboratively for what i considered to be common safety on lava property... nothing on the ladder said 'aron's do not touch' seeing as its a junky piece of wood and you and i know that to be petty shit... 
   
  and then the floor painting issue goes on all the time for years... i responded specifically to words already painted on floor 'felled, destroyed' along with your signage of 'hate well' on the wall in front of the tool crib commons where we all head when going for tools and music selection i sought to balance the energy by writing 'be well' which is a common closure statement in my emails as a general 'happy as we go on our own ways' sort of moniker instead of say a peace sign or harmony which i painted elsewhere because someone other than me likes to torment and terrorize anonymously in the place where i create... if you see that as fucked up psycho shit then i would say you try too hard to catagorize or confuse me with other people
   
  never mistake the fact that i defend my right to egalitarian expression and self defense
   
  as far as the names in my mouth bit lets just say that you folks work in public sectors and when your friends bring up your name or it comes up to do with business or otherwise less savory discussion then i just try to set the boundaries and make it clear that over extending on my part will lead to this very sort of public flagellation and slag rag crap which looks alot different than what people know me for which is show up and get the job done fairly or in a timely manner... i have tried to drop this issue over and over but there are indicators that other people sense brewing illness from the past and push it forward also.... from the start it has been clear that hidden agendas have proliferated and compromised the public work because private worlds collide when personal agendas dont leave room for apology and egofree re-evaluations
   
  i do tell the truth and work to be cooperative even if i have emotive moments...
  learn to look forward is the best i can offer because these are not the things worth passing on to the future or worth hanging the possibilities of the present... your call
   
  it is a bit sickening when each of  the latest power broker scenesters marks me as either a useful tool to their ambitious ends or as specific blockage to be removed or targeted for character assignation according to my own weaknesses with regards to not being on the gopher roster of personal manipulation... fact is i am capable and could be more capable if this constant need for individuals to define their own power role as separte from ones community didnt amount to jockeying for stature in some heirarchy in society at large via fulfillment of timely personal agenda or ambitious master plan to pay off ones own overextended debt ... 
   
  i am not interested in excluding sectors of the community in the planning stages or any other stages if community radio or a community centers  are to live up to the long term commitment and accountability... thats why i stomach working with people who make my skin crawl quite frankly 
   
  i am willing to admit when i am wrong as i always have been if that indeed plays out as the reality because i never said that i had all the answers so much as enough experience to provide input in a variety of situations.... take it like you like aron and hallie and you can get into business with jaime till the crow flys to destruction... the more organizers the better in this world but quit thinking that your perception is the only game in town or the most accurate one because its turned out at other times that your choices lead you to some of these realities when they suited your purpose
   
  fact is that all this is more than most folks care to hear about but since it needs ironing out or to be sorted into working sectors if not  tossed out... so be it... i dont have the luxury of dropping off and taking a trip to europe or utah when the creative whim calls or undervaluing you and the work you do because i am in this for the right reasons as imperfect of a communicator as i might be... i wont speak for anyone but me at this point when i say that you told me you sold out a long time ago and i surely never wanted to believe that so much as i thought you were seeking a greater understanding in being able to survive in this complicated world with your partner as is
   
  good luck with whatever you do and as i always say... be well... portland calling is a great name and if your community holds strong then its nothing but a benefit for all
  this is not competition or slag fest even if you think thats how its been going... i dont like having my car tampered with or seeing other peoples either... thats no game so i am sorry if i have expressed true feelings that such events always connect up with drama that you and hallie have feelings about or are involved in... im fucking serious that none of this happened at all until the big 'lets move out of lava and take the best with us campaign' after we all worked like dogs... i have nothing to do with that mess and want nothing from those ideas to be negative for anyone... i do sympathize with you on wanting to move out but the politics used on me and others in that effort rotted denmark to the core to the degree of physical threat and real hate... thats not me nor will it ever be... i told you i would never work with you on anything that greg martin was involved in and i certainly meant it as good policy... i am trying not to include hallie in my thoughts one way or
 another as i do see quality in her and always have despite the darker sides of ambition which i steared clear of early 
   
  for the record i will gladly say that i never want to believe anyone would do such things as egging cars and painting on cars or breaking windows and flattening tires but it was never a part of my life until the past 2 years when these internal power struggles began... i saw the same thing when the hex collective chopped up and smashed mac computers at the other brycc site... too much bullshit and not enough intentional value... i never want it to be a part of my life again and dont like to be around people who, seen or unseen, associate with it or passively allow it to stand.. 
   
  i really hope that your not down with that either... i used to be certain that you would do no such thing but now i just want to say that you make your own world by your involvements... i know nothing about such things and apologize to you for painting to the positive value of words... i dont think 'be well' deserved the response of 'beware and fuck off' but thats something i have no time for cleaning it up anymore or thinking about it really... the task is at hand... organize the community for positive change while we have the chance with all the resources and minds willing
   
   
  
 
   

 		
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